SAFE SPACE (Home Perspective part 2): 10 Signs You Are Not Your Child's Safe Space

In the previous post, I explained that a safe space is someone or somewhere one relies on for all physical and emotional support or balance without the fear of being provoked, harassed, hushed, mocked, disturbed or blamed.

Children can find a safe space in the following places:

a. Home

b. School

c. Community

d. Cyberspace.

The home is expected to be the best option from the list above but many children find it more convenient to use the other options because the home keeps failing to provide them with the help they need.

So, is your home a safe space for your child?

You are not your child’s safe space at home If:

1. You only know the basic things about that child such as name, age, and complexion but don't know other personal things such as likes, dislikes, hobbies, friends, academic performance, sad and happy moments or moods. It may come as a surprise to you to know that many parents especially fathers can't remember their children’s date of birth.

I recall asking a father his son’s date of birth recently while trying to enrol his son for a summer programme and the man jokingly told me that he can remember. He had to call the boy’s mother to remind him before we could proceed with the registration.

2. The child feels more comfortable and free around other people such as the nanny and not you.

3. You don't share any bonding moments or activities with your child and don't get bothered by it.

4. The child gets scared at the sound of your voice or presence as a result of being strict and unfriendly.

5. You can't discern your child's mood, physical or emotional changes and know when to seek help.

6. You constantly abuse that child verbally or physically, set high expectations and make comparisons with another child.

7. You are not always physically and emotionally available thereby creating a huge vacuum in their lives.

8. You disregard or don't take their complaint or non-verbal cues seriously.

9. You are always abusive or violent towards others around them such as the nanny, domestic staff, neighbours’ children and your spouse.

10. You need help with parenting but refuse to accept it or seek help and you continue to apply the same principles that have been failing.

Remember

The home cannot be a safe space if the children don’t feel safe or free with you as parents therefore you have to make necessary adjustments based on the points mentioned earlier.

We live in a world where children are easily influenced negatively by different factors thereby making it imperative for parents to make the home a safe space for them to communicate their thoughts, fear, confusion and seek answers to all their questions without being hushed, provoked or abused.

Even if everything else fails them, the home shouldn’t.